Monday, October 18, 2010


This past week has been incredible. Very rarely in my life have I started something and completed it. I may not have followed through 100% as far as completing tasks to make my goal easier to achieve, but don't worry... my body paid for that guy intensely, this week. Sore much... YEAH! WOW! HOLY COW! GOLLY! BAM! POW! SMACK! BOOM!

I attempted a couple of runs last week. Both ended with me nearly collapsing. I definitely have shin splints, which I thought I had experienced before while playing soccer and running track in high school. Well, I was wrong. Actual shin splints are painful as hell. I was able to run through them a bit; but the second I started to slow down, I was certain that I was going to drop down to the ground in pain.

Needless to say, I didn't get much running done. I did try though. So, I don't suck.

That pain in my abdominal muscles came back again. This time, it's on the left side. Luckily, it didn't affect me too much this past weekend. I went on a camping trip with Claire and some friends. Camping is one of my favorite things to do. We got a really awesome hike in there, too. We caught the perfect weekend to see all the leaves changing colors on the trees. We hiked to the top of a waterfall and just enjoyed the incredible view, letting it really sink in.

So... back to the pain. The doctor does not know what's causing this pain. All the tests that he ran came back negative. I need to go back for another appointment later this week. The doctor seems to think the pain might be caused by kidney stones... I sincerely hope not. I hear those things are a female dog (bitch) to pass.

(The best part about this picture is that my grandfather's name was Harold Johnson - coincidence... not a chance.) Unless it gets gross, I will keep you updated on the status of this little pickle I'm in. In the mean time, cranberry juice and hot baths will be significant parts of my everyday life.

Being that, besides the physical ailments, I was feeling so SUPERRRR this week,

I decided it would be a good idea to set some more goals for myself. Here we go:

- Get down to 175lbs (Currently, I think that I am over 200. I know... I carry it well, and that's part of the problem. Haha!)
- Only eat out for lunch and dinner 1-2 times per week each - maximum! (It will save my belly as well as my wallet.)
- Break 25 minutes in a 5K (PR is currently >28 mins.)
- Break 1 hr in a 10K (PR is currently >1 hr 5 mins.)
- Run a half-marathon in spring 2011.
- Compete in a triathlon in fall 2011. (ToughMan.)
- Run a marathon.
- IronMan.

We shall see how this goes. All of these are in writing now... so, they can't be denied. It's business time!

Sunday, October 10, 2010


10K... Check! Yeah, baby! All done! I completed (without a taxi, which WAS Plan B) the Westchester Medical Center Quarter Marathon. It was an absolutely incredible experience. Where do I begin? Hmmm...

Well, Claire and I got to bed relatively early last night - pretty much after I made my previous post. Then we woke up at about 7AM. I hopped in the shower to wake myself up/ get "warmed-up" for the race. Claire was smarter than I and had a bowl of cereal, while I woofed down a handful of almonds. As I was getting dressed, I said to Claire, "Should I wear the shirt that they gave us in the registration bag?" To which she responded, "Of course! Everyone will be wearing it, but I'm going to wear my long-sleeve running shirt because it's so cold." Having received the answer I was hoping for, I suited up with the really cool running shirt the race coordinators provided us. We swung by Claire's house, picked up her running shoes, got some tea from the deli, hopped on the train, and we were on our way.

We arrived at the race location only to see that Claire's prediction about everyone else wearing the shirts was horribly wrong. I looked around, searching high and low through the crowd... I was the only herb wearing the race shirt.

...yeah. Then my wise (ass) girlfriend decided to throw this loving comment out there just to make me feel like even more of a tool: "Wow! You're like that kid who goes to a concert wearing the shirt of the band that's playing." Real nice.

Luckily, once the half-marathoners started, I was able to see a few other fellow herbs wearing the race shirt. I looked at one guy wearing it; and I squinted my eyes and nodded JUST to let him know - You are not alone, friend. After that, we got our little warm up/ stretching on. Before we knew it, it was 9AM. LET'S GET THIS PARTY STARTED!

I had already informed Claire that I would not be keeping pace with her. So, we pretty much separated right from the start. I found a couple of people that were keeping a really comfortable pace for me. I stuck with them for about the first 2 1/2 miles. The combined total of those first two miles was 16:21.0... not too shabby. I was feeling great. I had scoped out the route a couple of times, yesterday, trying to figure out where the tough hills were and stuff. I knew that, according to the route that I had signed up for, the last 3 miles were flat and downhill. I figured that I didn't need to save too much energy for the end of the race because there wouldn't be any hills to climb. WRONG! In between the time that I registered and today, they rerouted the race. We just made a U-turn and took the north-side of the parkway back. The last 2 miles of the race were mostly incline.

My whole strategery was shot.

Not only that... Mama and Papa LazyRunner were waiting at the wrong finish line. Gosh Darnit! I apologize for using such harsh language, but that's really how I felt. I ran to some dude on the sideline and asked if I could use his phone real quick. He let me, but it was an iPhone. Therefore, it had no service.

I wasted a minute + trying to get a signal before I said, "Eff it!" and continued my run. The hills were tough... I am not even going to lie. Not only did my pace diminish, but I took frequent walk breaks. All in all, I think I walked a combined total of 3 minutes. The time for my first 3 miles was extraordinary (for me :). I finished them in 25:01.8. Boom! I knew I was getting killed on the 2nd half of the race though. I didn't even bother to look at my time, but I still tracked it. Your ready for it... Miles 4 and 5 were longer than my first 3 combined - a whopping 32:34.5. Eff my L, right? I passed the sign for the last mile and decided to finish strong, like bull. I saw the finish line and got SOOO Happy! As Emz would say, "Happy. Happy. Me. Me!" As I got closer, my enthusiasm dropped because I saw that they were making us make another U-turn; and the finish line was another quarter mile down the line. Thanks, jerks! They really know how to bring a brotha down. I still finished as strong as I could. My final time was 1:05:35.5. Claire kept her pace the whole way; and despite falling during her 5th mile, managed to catch up to me and finish within 30 seconds of my time. Luckily, she didn't hurt herself too badly with the fall. She just has a booboo on her knee. Perhaps, I should have stuck with her from the start. Maybe not... she doesn't take walk breaks EVER, and I certainly needed them.

I gots my finishing metal! My first one! And then just got really excited because I had accomplished this goal that I set for myself way back around April. Next time, I know that I could do much better. I will have to stick with my training plan and leave the bacon cheeseburgers behind. Another lesson learned is to make sure that I know the correct route. Haha! I won't let any of these things bring me down because the bottom line is that I finished, and I had fun! And technically, I PR'd. Haha!

Thanks to everyone that helped me with this.

Your posts, comments, and support really motivated and pushed me when I definitely needed it. You got this lazy guy to show up and perform on race day. I can't thank you enough.

Mama and Papa LazyRunner figured out the finish line mix-up and met us after we finished stretching. They're the best! My number 1 fans! This was the final result.

Saturday, October 9, 2010

It's Go Time!

Okay, this is it. The moment we've ALL been waiting for... well, maybe not all of us; but definitely me. My first quarter-marathon is tomorrow morning. Get this... it's my first 10K on 10/10/10, and my goal is to finish the race at 10AM. Whoooaaaaa... Double Rainbow all the way. Isn't that pretty cool/ weird? Btw... if you don't get the double rainbow reference, type it into youtube and experience the adventure/ nation-wide craze of Beartop!

I am a little nervous. Last week, I was nervous that I wouldn't be able to run that distance, but I did a 5-mile run this week with a 1-mile warm up/ cool down. I ran the 5 miles in 45 minutes. It was really awesome because it was the first time that I experienced something that I hear a lot of runners talk about... that HIGH. I'm in the club now, dude!

I got high running... so high that could have run more. It was an incredible feeling! My heart, lungs, and legs were just going on cruise control. My last 2 miles were actually faster than my first 3. I stopped because I didn't want to burn out and hurt myself. It was a very cool thing to experience though. I can't wait to have more like that.

So, I know that I can run the distance. Now, I guess I just have the pre-race jitters. I have all my stuff ready... got all my shiz for the race (an awesome running shirt, a timer chip, my number, and a few other goodies). They really hooked me up at the pre-registration pick-up.

I am about to go to sleep, now... get some quality sleep. The race starts at 9AM. Hopefully, I will be giving you a full report when I am finished. PLEASE wish me luck!

PS. It's pretty clear that I offended some people with my last post. You know... the whole Backstreet Boys thing. Well, I offer this next pic as a peace offering to all those anti-BSB people that I pissed off out there... Hope this patches things up between us.

We cool?

Monday, October 4, 2010


EverybOdayah... yeeaahhaa... rock yo bOdayah!... yeeaahhaa... EverybOdayah... rock yo bOday right... ED - IS - BACK, ALRIGHT!

By the way, I smiled just that much more while typing this because I knew what Claire would being thinking while reading this... "OMG. This is SO embarrassing!" Hahahahaha! In case you haven't figured it out, we enjoy embarrassing each other. It brings us closer together... usually to fisticuffs.

Anyhow, enough of that girlfriend talk... YUCK! Felt like I was writing a Justin Bieber song there for a second. What I really am pumped to share is that I am feeling much better! On Thursday night, the abdominal pains were pretty excruciating. At one point, I sneezed and thought I was going to die.

I actually considered going to the ER a couple of times; but kept saying to myself that if the pain is the same or worse in 30 minutes, I will go. It never lasted that long in one sitting, luckily.

That night, at the suggestion of an article I read, I took a nice hot bath. I hadn't taken a bath since I was a little kid. It was really awkward because I'm a lot different (mentally, emotionally, and physically) than I was when I was a boy.

I quickly got over the awkwardness when a fond memory from bath-time past came into my brain. When I would take baths as a little boy, my mom would make my little brother and I take them together. It was definitely easier for her to handle us together, as we were a handful. However, her attempt to make her job less frustrating did not really pay off too well considering whichever one of us would get out of the bath first would pee before getting out so that the other one would have to soak in the other one's urine while mom dried the pee-er off (usually in a P O'd manner because she knew that water wasn't yellow a second ago).

HAHAHAHAHA! I literally started laughing out loud nakedly thinking about what little jerks (but funny jerks) my little brother, Doug, and I were.

Back to present day, the hot bath knocked me out. I was asleep by 10pm that night. I woke up the next day with no pain, which convinced me that this was a muscle problem for sure... aka no hernia or appendix issues. I still have a doctor's appointment this Thursday just to make sure everything is cool, but I am pretty certain all is well. I must have just pulled a muscle there while overstretching or the complete opposite, whatever.

I waited the rest of the day on Friday, just to make sure that the pain did not come back. Then on Saturday, I hit it hard (my hitting it hard = playing in the sandbox to most of you readers). I went for a 3.5 mile hike in northern Weschester with Claire first thing in the morning. In the afternoon, I went for a 3 mile run, which I finished in less than 30 mins. Boo-yah! The hike was truly amazing. I hadn't been on good hike in a long time. The rain had stopped and left us with a beautiful isolated area where negativity was just not welcome at all.

I was going to pass on the run because we did the hike earlier, Claire had left for work, and I'm a lazy piece of sh*t. Instead, I said "NAY! I have some catching up to do!" (Nice, one-liner, right?) So, I put on my sweet ass kicks and hit the road. Three miles later, I was satisfied with my decision to bang that bad boy out.

Yesterday, I gave my body a rest and spent the day hanging out with my baby nephew and helping my dad with some work. Tonight, I will be sure to get some sort of training in. I need to make sure I take a nice bath after though so that I can heat that muscle up nicely... and hopefully, I'll have another fun trip down memory lane. Hahahaha!

Hey... I DON'T SUCK! Thanks!